Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
