I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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