There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
