it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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