I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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