i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
