Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
