i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize