i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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