Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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