I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize