Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
