I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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