Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
