I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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