This girl is more easily done than said...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
