i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
