Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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