Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
