reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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