I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
