Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
