omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
