it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
