I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize