something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
