i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
