and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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