I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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