Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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