Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ttyl tear gas
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
