When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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