I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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