The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
