i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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