I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
