i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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