i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
