Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
