this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
