you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
