whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
