It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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