If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize