finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
