after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
