my vag is so smooth its legendary
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
