I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
