my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
