you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
