No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
