she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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