I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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