Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My bed smells like the plague
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
