I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
