My sheets look like a crime scene.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
