these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
