basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's always time for handjobs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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