apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
