Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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