her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize