why didn't you poke me back
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
