omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
