What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
