Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When are your genitals available?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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