Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
