called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
