I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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