I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
