Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
