On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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