I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
