U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
