Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
