there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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