At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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