I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
