Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize