Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
