If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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