Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
