You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize