please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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