you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
