i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
