I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were trust falling into bushes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize