mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
