He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
