How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
