Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
how drunk are you?
Several
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
