I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
