What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
