and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I love you.
Bad choice
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