Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
