I'm lost and stupid without you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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