the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
