There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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